


In Sleep

by amfiguree



Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amfiguree/pseuds/amfiguree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't want to think tonight," Justin said finally, voice soft, young, "I don't want to remember, Nick."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Sleep

_Blissful bubbles_  
 _Let me sleep_  
 _Rock me gently_  
 _Don’t let me think_  
  
He knew Nick watched him, sometimes, as though by watching Justin wouldn’t disappear, Justin would be kept safe, and all the while Justin lay on his side, and pretended to be sleeping, pretended that he wasn’t deathly afraid of shutting his eyes, of something he knew was sitting in the dark waiting to curl around him, to pull him in and sink him under wave after wave of nauseating reality.  
  
He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to feel. He didn’t want. But he needed. He needed so much his entire being felt as though it was physically aching for something to happen.  
  
It was different that night. Nick watched, and Justin could feel those unblinking blue eyes trained intently on his back, watching it rise and fall with an almost-steady rhythm.   
  
“Justin?” he was whispering, and he reached to touch Justin’s back with an uncertain hand.  
  
Justin jerked away from Nick’s touch like it had burned him. “I’m awake,” his breath hitched in his throat as he sat up, the blanket wrapped securely around his body like it could physically protect him from whatever it was he was afraid of, and watching him now, huddled and afraid, eyes wide and slightly wet, made Nick flinch, and he wanted to touch, to hold, to love, to erase everything Justin had been through in the past torturous months.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said, instead, trying to soothe, to comfort. “I’m sorry. I won’t.” He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, without moving an inch closer, giving Justin his own space. “Do you want to lie down? Lie down, and sleep, okay, J? I won’t touch you, I promise. I’ll just. I’ll keep you safe.”  
  
Justin pressed his lips together in a thin line, his eyes flickering with unreadable emotions, one after another after another. “I.” He looked almost ready to run out of house, screaming and crying for help, and Nick felt something snap inside him, so his own tears were cascading down his cheeks, hidden by the darkness of the room. But Justin only hesitated a moment, before he slid back down onto the bed, the blankets still clutched around him, and nodded. “Goodnight, Nick.”  
  
Nick struggled to level his voice as he whispered back, “Night, J.”  
  
There was a long moment, as Justin lay staring at the ceiling without turning his back to Nick, of silence; Nick hardly dared to breathe, and he watched Justin, like a frightened mother would her child, clinging to every fiber of his being with his eyes. It was a false calm, the lull before the storm, and though they both knew it, neither said anything.  
  
Then it started. Justin shut his eyes, and tremors ran through his body. His hands curled into fists by his side, and he shifted so his back was to Nick, and he pressed his lips together, so his whimper was nothing but a silent plea for help, for comfort, for love. For this to just please, please god, just go away.  
  
Nick sucked in a deep breath, and tried to gather whatever courage he had left, and inched over to his hurting lover, wavering in his determination when he saw the silent tears trekking down Justin’s cheeks. It made everything feel so real. He had been destroyed, along with any kind of happiness he’d known, that day he’d gotten Justin back again. It had been too late, and Justin had been through so much, and Nick wasn’t sure he had enough courage to continue fighting this losing battle anymore.  
  
He pressed himself against the familiar body beside him, flattening himself against Justin’s warm back, letting his arms slide around Justin’s body, slowly, carefully, “I won’t hurt you,” he was still whispering, his breath ghosting past Justin’s ear, “I won’t hurt you. I won’t do anything you’re not ready for. Just let me protect you. Let me hold you. Let me help you, J.” There was a heartbeat of silence, as Justin tensed involuntarily, “Please.”  
  
Justin tried to stop shaking; he was sobbing now, quiet words like ‘no’ and ‘please’ finding their way from his lips, even as he fought to keep them down. “Nick,” his voice trembled, caught in his throat, “Nick.” Just like that, and he couldn’t say anymore.  
  
Nick sighed, relieved, and tightened his grip on Justin, *just* so. “I’ll keep you safe, J,” his words held a promise, and an edge of anger, of pain, that Justin had noticed a long time ago.  
  
“Please,” he whispered again, and that was all.  
  
Nick held to Justin, like their lives depended on it. His arms were solid, secure, around Justin’s lithe frame, and he stilled any movement he might have made, and clasped his hands around Justin’s, like before, except not. They were molded into each other, back to chest, and Justin tried to hold on to the security he felt instead of the fear, when he realized there was no way of escape – he was pinned firmly to Nick’s muscular body.   
  
Nick kept his lips from Justin’s skin, giving him the space he still needed to heal, and let his breath waft over Justin’s neck, calmly, soothingly, so that a strange sort of peace kept them both motionless. “I don’t want to think tonight,” Justin said finally, voice soft, young, “I don’t want to remember, Nick.”  
  
“Sleep, baby. I’ll hold you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Not anymore.” Nick’s voice was soft, reassuring, and Justin finally closed his eyes, his fingers tightening around Nick’s, trying desperately to keep his body relaxed. The blankets were still tucked firmly around both of them, and cocooned in their little hideaway, Nick could almost pretend everything was as it used to be. Before the kidnap. Before the pain.  
  
He began humming, softly, into Justin’s ear, a quiet lilting melody, a slightly altered version of ‘Run To Me’, and he rocked the broken boy in his arms to and fro, gently, slowly, trying to lull him to sleep.  
  
It was calm then, and Justin’s tension eased somewhat, his breathing evened out, and his eyes were drowsily shut, to the point where he was just about to slip into that easy release of sleep. Nick continued humming, continued rocking, inching his face closer to Justin’s, and finally resting it on Justin’s shoulder, softly, so it felt less of an intrusion than something that should have been there all the while.  
  
And Justin gave in to the warmth, the security, and leaned back into Nick, into the familiar body he’d known forever, listened to Nick’s racing pulse beneath him for a moment, felt the ticklish hot breath against his cheek, and moist lips gently touching the corner of his own. Then he closed his eyes, and let the dreams come.


End file.
